Nan In Search of Clarity–Day 29

Two more days of this… experiment… this commitment… whatever this is. Mostly it’s been me rambling, trying to figure out how to make it better. But you know, it’s probably not going to be all better right now–although each day, it’s a little bit easier. Maybe…

Today, I worked and it was good. I can fall into a project and stay there and forget that life is different now, that it will always be different because Kate isn’t here anymore. I love working… even when projects are tough and frustrating, I still love to work. It’s that whole fixing thing–I’m a fixer. I like fixing things.

You know, it’s funny. Many years ago, when Kate was going through her divorce and her kids were little and her life was askew, I  remember thinking that if she would only listen to me and did what I told her, her life would be all fixed up. I know now that Kate would always do things her own way, even if it meant the people who loved her believed that that her choices were going to lead to a train wreck. Sometimes they did, but don’t we all make train-wreck choices? When we were younger, I thought I was much smarter than I actually was. Go figure…

It’s funny, isn’t it? How clearly you can see other people’s mistakes, how you think you can show them exactly how to fix their bad choices, how the path for others is so obvious, but even when you look in mirror, you can’t see your own mistakes as plainly as you can see others’?  I wish that I’d been more of a help to Kate back then, less judgmental, more supportive… a better sister.

Five Things I’m Grateful for Today:

1. Safe landings–thank you ACC for the prayers and angel wings.
2. Work that’s interesting and fun
3. Roasted cauliflower
4. Sisterhood
5. Good friends who support me in my writing–thanks for the Likes on my FB Author page, mes amies!